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Archive for September, 2012

Clouds at Sunset

once i called you Jesus

with that word, i could relate to you

safe, knowable

baby in a manager

willing sacrifice

Spirit seemed so far away

untouchable, distant

Father was the angry god

i could never hope to satisfy

    

one day i wished more for mystery

a god i could not contain

Spirit became the name i called

ever-present, intimately intertwined

yet other in every possible way

Jesus, still when comfort needed

but Father rarely spoken

afraid i’d disappoint

    

in wonder i remember

moment of discovery

the day i learned to call you Father

arms open, reaching out to embrace

holding me close in love

unashamed of how broken i felt

Father offering everything i lacked

three-in-one, i knew you then

knowable mystery accepting

me in love

    

those words now leave me tangled

web of hurt, anger, bitterness

i try to call your name

but my voice will not speak

those words i once used

my heart contracts

the walls close in

once familiar names

my life no longer knows you

the face i see reflected

lacks truth of who you are

of who i am in you

i need a new word

but who am i to name

the source of all creation

     

each day i sit in silence

whispering a single word

seeking, trying to find the one

that encompasses and draws us together

Ruah, Breath, i seek to draw you in

Creator, most easily recognized

your handiwork surrounds me

i sit with you in stillness

but still you feel unknown

i breathe

inhale, exhale

pause, repeat

in the space carved out

my heart feels a new name

so clear the word seems spoken in my ear

    

Beloved

    

i pause, my breath held close

Beloved, name and invitation

in one simple word

i cannot comprehend

you call me Beloved

at the core of my being

you invite me to intimacy

to be yours

to call you my own

Beloved you are all i have known

more than i can yet comprehend

reminder of the beauty

i have let slip away

lost in waves of anger and pain

Beloved offers comfort, understanding

growth to some thing more

Beloved demands no striving

offers rest and ease

encouragement to grow deeper

bolder, stronger

Beloved knows

I am enough

Sunlight on the water

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It might be the middle of September, but I’ve still been thinking about what I learned during August Break.

chalk art lizard

  1. Taking at least one photograph a day really did change the way I see my world.  I noticed so many things that I might have missed.
  2. Even when I thought I would look silly stopping to take a photo, no one else actually seemed to notice … even when I took photos of the sidewalk.
  3. We’re more alike than we often realize.  When I wondered if anyone else would understand why I thought a moment was worth capturing, there was always someone else who understood.
  4. Paying attention  + savouring the tiny moments = more gratitude.  It’s really that simple.  The more I paid attention and enjoyed each moment, the more grateful I was.
  5. There are fun adventures to be had, day or night.  Those adventures become even more fun when shared with someone you care about.
  6. I can start a project and be consistent until completion.  I’m good at starting, but I can be easily distracted by the new and shiny thing that looks more interesting.  It’s was an amazing realization when I got to the end of August and realized that I had posted every day and had a new photograph almost every day.
  7. When at first you don’t succeed and it’s something you really want, keep trying.  Persistence eventually will pay off.  In this case, I finally got a photo that captured the feeling of a place that I love.
  8. There is beauty in unexpected places.
  9. Committing to something that I want to do doesn’t have to turn into a dreaded should. Even when it’s something I want for me, I’m prone to should-ing myself (“I should go write that blog post”).  Then, that thing that I wanted to do for me, not because anyone else thought I should, becomes something that I will create any and every excuse to avoid. I paid attention to the words I used in my own head.  When I started to say “I should …”, I reminded myself that there were no rules about August Break and I could post or not as I wanted. When I asked myself what I wanted to do, the answer was always a resounding “Post today’s picture!”
  10. I really enjoy photography.  I’d forgotten how much.  I love having the phone on my camera because it’s always in my pocket, but there were times I wished I had a better option available.  I think it’s time to start saving.  I think it might also be time to dig out my dad’s old cameras that are in the closet and buy some film. It lacks the instant gratification of a digital camera, but I always loved the excitement of getting film back from the developer.
  11. If I’m not deliberate about being mindful and paying attention to my world, I can quickly and easily stop paying attention.  I stopped being deliberate about taking a photo a day when September arrived.  I assumed I would easily keep that habit. While I’m more willing to capture a moment that grabs my attention, I haven’t been looking for those moments and I know I’ve missed out.  No judgment, just observation.  I miss how August felt. So while I’m not going to post a picture a day, I am committing to myself that I will continue to take a photograph a day.  I haven’t decided exactly what I’m going to with them yet, but don’t be surprised if posting them becomes a weekly event.
  12. One more reason why I adore Susannah Conway.  Thank you so much for creating another beautiful thing that inspires and makes the world a better place.  I’m already looking forward to August Break 2013 =)

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I’ve put off writing this post tonight.  I can’t quite believe that August is over.  I really can’t believe that I have managed to post a photo every day this month.  I’m a little sad that August Break is done.

Taking time to notice my world has been a powerful experience.  There really is beauty everywhere if we pause and open our eyes to see.

Starbucks Sunshine

The view through my windshield, as I was ready to leave the Starbucks drive-thru.  I love how the lens flare appears to change the colours of the leaves.

Thank you so much for sharing this adventure with me!  I don’t plan on continuing to post every day, but I’ll be back soon.  I need to write down my thoughts on the other Fringe shows I’ve seen and there have been lots of things percolating in my brain and heart over the last month.  Hugs!

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