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Archive for March, 2018

Maundy Thursday

There are only a few minutes left before this day is over, but I realized this evening that it’s time to share something I wrote last year on Maundy Thursday.

Even a few weeks ago, I didn’t think I’d ever share this poem. It still sat too close to my heart. In some ways, sharing this poem is also a coming out. Not that I’m queer. I think I’ve already made that clear.

I am a person of faith. For my world to make sense and my life to feel like it actually fits who I am in my innermost being, I am queer and I am a person of faith.

Maundy Thursday last year was when I knew that I could no longer just be one of those things. I had to accept. Otherwise parts of myself.

Saturday night, I am being confirmed in the Anglican Church of Canada, because that is the place where I have found a home and a community of faith that affirms and celebrates all of who I am.

To Patrick, Alastair, Bill, Gillian, Kevin and all of my church family at St. John the Divine (there are too many to name, but Michael and Paul get special mention since they convinced me to come to last year’s Maundy Thursday potluck and service), there really aren’t enough words to say thank you for welcoming me and helping me find my way back home. Instead I share the words I wrote last year on Maundy Thursday.

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Maundy Thursday at St. John the Divine

The altar stripped bare

each piece carefully and thoughtfully removed

layers peeled away

harsh, barren surfaces

and yet …

 

The light dimmed

The sanctuary in near darkness

and yet …

 

I cannot look away

I long to stand up

to walk out the door

to return to the life

I’d chosen away from

all of this

and yet …

 

As my soul is stripped bare

tears of anger and bitterness

of regret and heartbreak

stream slowly down my cheeks

and yet …

 

I cannot look away

I long to stay and never leave

this moment

and yet …

 

I’ve never felt so broken

and yet so completely whole

so lost beyond hope

and yet so relentlessly found

so without a single word to speak

and yet so full of truth undeniable

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